It was painful and dark and Sungmin was scared. Not of the pain, not of the darkness but of what it might mean. He was drifting, light and meaningless. He had to find something to anchor himself to. He just had to. Otherwise he might just drift away. He felt warmth nearby. A spark, a fire. He tried to get towards it, trying not to cause himself pain. The warmth…..that would save him…..he just needed to get to it.
The hospital was now in sight and Junsu breathed a sigh of relief. He immediately pushed on the gas pedal and brought the car to a screeching halt in front of the emergency doors. Yoochun immediately jumped out and ran around to Kyuhyun’s side of the car.
“Give me Sungmin so you can get out,” Yoochun commanded, slowly pulling a limp Sungmin from Kyuhyun’s arms. He began to walk towards the entrance with Sungmin, leaving Kyuhyun slightly behind. There was no time to waste.
“Yoochunnie, I’ll talk to the nurses,” Junsu said while running extremely fast for the doors. Yoochun nodded as Junsu ran up to the front desk and began gesturing wildly at him as he walked through the glass doors.
“Yoochun, can you hand me Sungmin?” Kyuhyun asked, running up behind them. His eyes were dark with some emotion Yoochun didn’t understand.
“Junsu’s talking to the nurses right now. You won’t be holding him very long,” Yoochun pointed out. Kyuhyun waved away Yoochun’s words.
“Time isn’t important. I need this. I need to feel him near me. Please,” Kyuhyun stretched his arms out. Yoochun understood. He knew that if he and Junsu were in this position themselves, he would want to be as close to his lover as possible.
He gently lowered Sungmin into Kyuhyun’s waiting arms. Kyuhyun cradled him gently, his heart beginning to pound. A small smile appeared on Sungmin’s lips.
“It’s you again, Kyu. You’re holding me again,” Sungmin murmured, nuzzling into him. Those words did more to Kyuhyun than he would care to admit to anyone. It filled his heart with complete love for Sungmin.
“Sungmin…” Kyuhyun bit his lip. The fact that his husband could tell when he was being held by someone other than himself made Kyuhyun’s eyes water. He tilted his head back and blinked rapidly to try and stop the tears from falling. A few drops fell from his eyes.
“It’s raining Kyu tears,” Sungmin whispered. He was feeling extremely lightheaded and drowsy. He was beginning to lose sense of what he was saying. The water droplets could have been anything. But Sungmin knew better.
“Don’t say things like that, Sungmin. You know what that does to me,” Kyuhyun pleaded softly. Sungmin merely smiled, opened his eyes and blinked slowly. Kyuhyun breathed a sigh of relief. The dark orbs were sparkling. He was still here.
Sungmin always had an effect on Kyuhyun with his words. A simple “I love you” turned Kyuhyun into an emotional mess. Any words with any hint of sentiment or feeling from Sungmin made him see stars. So it was no wonder that Sungmin’s words of subtle love rendered Kyuhyun an emotive wreck.
“Are you in charge of Mr. Lee Sungmin?” A man in green hospital clothes asked, looking at the bleeding man in Kyuhyun’s arms.
“Yes, I’m his husband,” Kyuhyun replied. The man looked surprised for a moment but then nodded and led him over to a white bed on the side of the hallway.
“You can put him down here. The doctors will come by in a moment for an assessment,” The nurse bowed and then left.
Kyuhyun lay Sungmin down gently, mindful of his injuries. Sungmin gasped softly as his back hit the bed. Almost instantly, the sheets were stained a deep red. Kyuhyun turned away from the sight. He didn’t want to see it.
“You’ll be okay now, Minnie. The doctors are going to help you,” Kyuhyun whispered, a smile forming as he gazed at Sungmin. The elder male smiled back and turned to face the ceiling. Kyuhyun leaned his forearms on the bed.
“It’s almost stopped hurting now,” Sungmin murmured. Kyuhyun nearly fell over.
“What?” Kyuhyun croaked. Had he lost enough blood that he was dying faster?
“No, I didn’t mean that. I mean that the pain is so constant, I’ve gotten used to it,” Sungmin explained, knowing the thoughts that were running through his husband’s head.
“Don’t scare me like that, Sungmin! If I lost you again…” Kyuhyun reached out and brushed a few strands of hair out of Sungmin’s eyes. He didn’t know what he’d do if he lost Sungmin again. He just wanted to be happy with him. Was it too much to ask?
Sungmin opened his mouth to reply but at that moment, a bunch of doctors scurried to the bed and pushed Kyuhyun to the side. They conferred with one another, gently turning Sungmin over to see the bullet wound and inspecting the wounds on the rest of his body.
“We’re going to have to do emergency surgery. The bullet probably entered a lung. Look at the wound, it’s an expansion bullet,” one of the doctors noted. His nametag read Taemin.
“I agree with you. Some of the gashes on his stomach will need to be sewn up. There might be internal damage as well. We’ll have to inspect that too. The cuts on the rest of his body are relatively minor,” a doctor with the name Onew said.
“We’ll need to do something to get that silver wire out of his neck. It’s digging into him, Minho,” another doctor pointed to Sungmin’s neck.
“I hadn’t noticed that. Good observation Jonghyun. Key is still in the operating room so he’ll be able to do a full analysis when we bring him in,” Minho determined.
“We should get him on an IV drip. He’s losing a lot of blood so we should also give him a blood transfusion while he’s in there,” the doctor called Jonghyun noted again. “What’s your blood type?” Jonghyun asked Sungmin.
“I’m an A,” Sungmin answered tiredly. Jonghyun nodded.
“We have plenty of Blood Type A. You’ll be fine. I’ll get one of the nurses to put him on an IV,” Taemin walked to the front desk.
“How long will it be until he gets into the operating room?” Kyuhyun spoke for the first time since the doctors arrived.
“Ten to fifteen minutes. Our head doctor is just finishing up with another surgery. He’s first on the list for the OR. Don’t worry. He’ll be fine,” the doctor called Onew informed him. Kyuhyun nodded. Inside he was panicking.
Ten to fifteen minutes? Sungmin could be dead by then! He needs help right now! Do something other than give him an IV!
“Sungmin is the first on the list for the OR?” Kyuhyun responded, parroting what Onew had said. The doctor gave him a kind glance. An IV drip arrived and Jonghyun began to get to work on setting up, helped by Minho.
“In his condition, he must be first. We will send a nurse to take scans of his stomach and the bullet wound. Come on you two. Taemin has just found out we need to analyze some guy with a screwdriver sticking out of his head. We can’t hang out all day,” Onew gestured towards Minho and Jonghyun who had finished and were listening to the conversation. The three doctors walked off and Kyuhyun stared after them.
“In his condition, he must be first.” Oh god, Sungmin is dying. Oh my god…oh my god…oh my god…
“Kyuhyun?” Sungmin reached out and caught Kyuhyun around the wrist. The younger man looked down and smiled.
“So you’re first on the list,” Kyuhyun managed to say.
“I heard the conversation, Kyu,” Sungmin smiled, “I was there.”
Kyuhyun didn’t get the chance to respond because Yoochun came up at that moment with Junsu. The two of them were looking incredibly sombre but Kyuhyun found that he really didn’t care what had caused the expressions on their faces.
“Headquarters has requested our presence to arrest the gang members that Changmin and Minwoong have held hostage. They must be trying to get away. We’ve been called to go there. Will you two be all right on your own?” Yoochun asked.
“Yeah, we’ll be fine. Have they-?”
“They haven’t found Yunho. And now Shinjung has gone missing too. Don’t worry, Yunho and Shinjung are probably holding the members we shot inside the building hostage in there,” Junsu said swiftly. Kyuhyun understood. If Yunho had died, Yoochun and Junsu would have lost two of their best friends.
“Probably. We’ll be fine. You two can go. They need to take some scans of Sungmin so he won’t be around for a while. Don’t worry, you can go,” Kyuhyun tried to smile.
“Okay. Call us if anything happens,” Junsu looked at Sungmin.
“Get the bad guys,” Sungmin smiled at the two of them. Yoochun nodded and then steered Junsu away.
A nurse came over and began to wheel Sungmin’s bed away. Kyuhyun went to follow the two and the nurse placed a hand on his chest and stopped him.
“It’s only patients who need scans from here. Please sit in the waiting room, Mr…?”
“Cho Kyuhyun,” he responded, somewhat annoyed. She smiled and nodded, pointing to the waiting chairs.
“This should only take a minute Mr. Cho. Don’t worry.”
But Kyuhyun did as Sungmin was wheeled out of his sight. He couldn’t stop himself from panicking and thinking of all the worst case scenarios. What if they didn’t get back in time and someone else took Sungmin’s spot in the waiting room? What if Sungmin died while taking the scan and he wasn’t there with him?
“Oh my god! Look at you!” A high pitched voice shattered his thoughts. Kyuhyun looked up to see a nurse standing there, pointing at him. He looked around confused, as if hoping someone would tell him why he was being yelled at.
“Um…sorry? I don’t understand what you mean,” Kyuhyun replied. The nurse shook her head and continued to point at him.
“Why are you here? You should be in the ER right now! How are you still alive?”
For the first time, Kyuhyun looked down at himself. And stared. He didn’t ever remember putting on an indigo coloured shirt or dark purple jeans. And he nearly fainted from shock. No wonder the nurse was so concerned. No wonder she was yelling.
Kyuhyun was asking the same question as her. How could Sungmin still be alive?! He finally felt the wetness of his clothes. He was covered in Sungmin’s blood. It looked like he had been through war and back. He felt sick. Was death inevitable then?
It took a good five minutes to convince the nurse that he was fine. It was his husband who was injured critically and he was just….covered in his blood….that was all. During this time, Sungmin had been wheeled back into the room and once again placed by the side of the hallway. Making his excuses, Kyuhyun ran back to him.
“Are you okay? What did they do to you?” Kyuhyun asked, worry lacing his voice.
“You make it sound as if they were torturing me,” Sungmin answered, a smile in his voice.
“To me, they were,” Kyuhyun muttered.
“They took a scan of my abdomen and my back. It was painful but I’m okay. They also padded the worst of my injuries so I’m not bleeding so hard anymore,” Sungmin explained.
“That’s good,” Kyuhyun replied absently. He picked up one of Sungmin’s hands and entwined his fingers with Sungmin’s. The two of them remained quiet for a while. Kyuhyun tried to ignore the thoughts of death creeping into his subconscious.
“Kyuhyun,” Sungmin whispered.
“What is it, Minnie?”
“Do you have any regrets?” Sungmin asked. Kyuhyun blinked.
“What? Why are we talking about this?” The younger male asked, his voice shaking slightly.
“Do you have any regrets?” Sungmin repeated.
“I regret that I ever let you get away from me,” Kyuhyun answered.
“I have none. As long as you were safe, I would have done anything.”
“Words,” Kyuhyun murmured. Sungmin turned to look at him. He gazed at Kyuhyun with all the love in the world.
“I want to tell you I love you in every way possible,” Sungmin whispered. He tightened his grip on Kyuhyun’s hand. The younger man felt tears start. Was he so emotional? No. Only Sungmin could make him this way.
“Sungmin, what are you saying?” Kyuhyun bit his lip. He didn’t want to think about it. No, he wouldn’t.
“Do you remember the picture of us? The one by our flowers?” Sungmin asked. Kyuhyun thought back. The camellia and the caper, or the Kyuhyun and Sungmin flowers as they were now called, were still sitting serenely on the bedside table in their room with a picture of the two of them after their third anniversary.
They had gone to their favourite restaurant and found a couple to take a picture of them. The two of them had their arms around each other and were smiling. Sungmin’s head was tucked underneath Kyuhyun’s chin and he had his arms wrapped around Kyuhyun’s neck. Kyuhyun’s arms were around Sungmin’s waist and he was pressing a kiss to the top of Sungmin’s head while managing to smile at the camera.
“Yes, I remember it.”
“I want to take another picture like that. Once this is all over,” Sungmin whispered.
“We will. I’ll take you out and we can take another one like that,” Kyuhyun’s voice cracked. He hoped Sungmin didn’t hear it. But he had. The elder male brought their hands towards him and placed a gentle kiss on Kyuhyun’s knuckles.
“I’m sorry,” Sungmin apologized quietly. Kyuhyun’s heart stopped.
“For what?”
“Just in case I die,” Sungmin answered. His response was so calm and so matter of fact that it scared Kyuhyun.
“You’re not going to,” Kyuhyun said stubbornly.
“But if I do, I’m sorry. I wanted to spend so much time with you. I wanted to be with you forever. But for some reason, if I do die, I’m sorry for leaving you. I would never do so willingly.”
“History might repeat itself.”
Sungmin knew exactly what he was talking about.
“It won’t happen the same way twice. Nothing ever does. There are always differences,” Sungmin answered.
“This might be the exception,” Kyuhyun glared at the wall as if the paint had personally insulted him.
“Kyu….please don’t make this harder for me than it already is. Do you think I want to leave? Do you think I like to think that I might die? It hurts to think that I might be away from you,” Sungmin’s eyes began to fill with tears. Kyuhyun felt emotion swell in his chest.
“I’m sorry. It’s like I’m losing you all over again. I already lost you once. I don’t ever want that to happen again. And this…it just hurts….and….I don’t want to live without you,” Kyuhyun’s tears fell from his eyes and dropped onto their entwined hands.
“Kyuhyun….you need to let go. You need to let go of me. I hate it when I see you this way and I know I’m the cause. So you need to let go,” Sungmin too felt salt water spill onto his cheeks. He tried to breathe and calm himself down.
“And if I don’t want to?”
“Then it will hurt more if you do lose me. Kyu, please. I don’t want to see you hurting this way. If you let go, it won’t hurt as much,” Sungmin answered.
“And if you do survive?” Kyuhyun asked, wiping his tears away.
“You aren’t going to let go of your desire for me to live, are you?” Sungmin sighed.
“No, I’m not. Why would I do so? Always hope for the best,” Kyuhyun tried to smile.
“I’ll do that. I love you,” Sungmin’s voice grew quieter. Weaker, more feeble and it terrified Kyuhyun.
“Don’t leave me, Sungmin. Don’t leave me here alone,” Kyuhyun pleaded.
“I love you, Kyuhyun. Don’t forget that.”
“Sungmin….don’t….what are you….words…” Kyuhyun was beginning to lose all sense of what he was saying. Every fibre of his body was screaming that something was wrong.
“Do you love me?” Sungmin interrupted. It was apparent that he was intent upon staying on his path of thought.
“I love you with my whole heart and soul. Everything that’s mine is yours and everything that’s yours is mine. You’re my other half. I love you more than you could ever think possible,” Kyuhyun’s tears fell again.
“I know it’s possible. I love you the same way. We’re part of each other. You, me, we, us. You gave me your love and I gave you mine. We’re one,” Sungmin blinked his eyes but tears still leaked from his eyes despite his attempts to stop.
“Sungmin....I love you.” From the man who often professed his love, this wasn’t the most startling of revelations. But it meant the world to Sungmin.
“Thank you,” Sungmin whispered. He stared at Kyuhyun for a moment before closing his eyes. His grip slowly released Kyuhyun’s hand.
“Sungmin…?” Kyuhyun whispered.
“Excuse me, we need to get this patient into the OR. Please go to the waiting room,” a nurse with a surgical mask on began to wheel Sungmin away. Kyuhyun let his hand slide out of Sungmin’s. He pressed the hand that Sungmin held to his mouth. Tears poured down his cheeks and fell onto his blood spattered clothes.
Ryeowook had been right. There would never be a time when Sungmin failed to become warm and loving towards Kyuhyun.
~₴~≠~₴~≠~
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