Funerals can be sad, they can be happy or they can simply be someplace to go on a day in which one has nothing to do. Sometimes, funerals are a celebration of one’s life, rather than a service for one’s passing. But it didn’t matter to Kyuhyun what this was.
What mattered was the one he loved most in the world was going to be buried six feet under. The other half of his soul was inside a beautiful wooden coffin. The other half of himself, his soulmate, the one tied to him by red thread, was lying peacefully in a polished, mahogany resting place.
He didn’t understand why life had chosen Sungmin to torment. It had ended, ultimately, in his death. Sungmin had been full of life, brought down by Jiwon, healed by Kyuhyun, only to be taken down once and for all. Kyuhyun blamed himself for not paying attention. If he had been looking, maybe Sungmin wouldn’t have died. Maybe he could have gotten out of the way of the bullet.
He understood Yunho’s feelings now. The older male had tried to comfort him, knowing that he had been in the exact same position once before. It was painful. Painful to know that you are the one who killed the one you love most. Kyuhyun’s face remained impassive as he stared at the coffin, lying serenely on the grass beside the gaping hole it would be placed into.
Sungmin hadn’t deserved to die. He wasn’t meant to leave yet. Sungmin had had his whole life ahead of him. Yet, it was cut short by the bullet of a gun that had entered a critical area. But it wasn’t just the bullet that had taken Sungmin’s life. It was far more than that.
The gang members that had been captured had been convicted. Taekyung’s death was put down as the result of a gang fight. Those who had been in the circle weren’t talking and Kyuhyun wasn’t convicted of Taekyung’s death. He wouldn’t have cared though. With Sungmin gone, his purpose in life was non-existent.
Shinjung had found Yunho inside the building, trying to hold off five members at once. He had immediately jumped into the fray and saved Yunho’s life. The two of them had run outside just before the reinforcements had arrived. Changmin and Minwoong had been safe. They had taken care of the hostages outside of the building, cuffing them and taking down descriptions.
Yoochun and Junsu had shown up a few minutes afterward. They had taken the hostages and led them into different police cars. Most of them hadn’t bothered to put up a fight. They knew they were done in and it was fruitless to try and escape. Rebel Heirs has cleared out before the police had gotten there so they escaped capture.
Rebel Heirs lost fifteen members to the fight. Shinjung had decided that they would disband. It was time to move on with their lives. So Rebel Heirs disbanded. The way Shinjung put it, it had been a class reunion and it would be the last one. They had fought together one last time and now they were free to move on with life.
The police force had then been called to the hospital Sungmin was in to calm down “a raging madman”. Said madman was Kyuhyun. The doctors had told him that, despite the operation, the lungs had filled with blood and Sungmin suffocated before they could fully drain the blood away. Kyuhyun had refused to believe this and demanded to see his husband. When the doctors denied his request, he flew into a fit.
He destroyed a hospital room. The police had been called to arrest the man but Yunho had refused. He told the nurses to give him something that would knock him out. Kyuhyun had been calmed and then placed in a hospital bed. When he had woken up, he made no movement whatsoever.
He knew that the doctors were telling the truth. He hadn’t seen Sungmin, but there was a gaping abyss in his chest, where Sungmin used to be. He needed no machines to know if Sungmin was gone. His heart told him the truth already. And Kyuhyun wanted to die. He was nothing without Sungmin. He was alone now. Sungmin was lying peacefully in his coffin, away from the pains and the cruelties of the world. Kyuhyun felt tears starting in his eyes. Sungmin had died, just as he had before. But this time, he wasn’t coming back. History never repeats itself twice. There are always differences. Subtle differences sometimes but differences nonetheless.
Kyuhyun had known that Sungmin wouldn’t come back. He didn’t know how he knew this. He just did. It was ingrained into his consciousness and it was something that he wouldn’t be able to forget.
“Are you ready, Kyuhyun? The ceremony will be starting soon,” Eeteuk placed a hand on Kyuhyun’s shoulder. The youngest nodded and stared at the coffin before him. Kangin wrapped an arm around Kyuhyun, squeezing him once before standing quietly beside Eeteuk. Heechul and Hankyung, all dressed in white, came up to stand beside him. Ryeowook and Yesung were wearing matching white suits.
Eunhyuk and Donghae were leaning against each other for support as they walked down the driveway. Siwon had arrived with a long stemmed flower and Shindong was stepping out of a long white limo. Kibum pulled up in his car and stepped out, his head bowed. Jiyong and Seunghyun got out of a small while car, holding hands and looking incredibly sombre.
The five police officers that saved their lives were stepping out, all in white. Changmin had an arm around Minwoong’s waist and seemed to be holding him tightly. Junsu was already crying lightly, Yoochun rubbing comforting circles on his back. Yunho stared straight ahead. His dark gaze turned to Kyuhyun who looked back.
“Don’t blame yourself. It won’t bring him back,” Yunho said, knowing exactly what Kyuhyun was thinking.
“Of course it won’t bring him back. That’s what took him away,” Kyuhyun answered, biting his lip in order to maintain composure.
“We will begin with the blessing,” the preacher announced, coming out of the church. Kyuhyun held his head higher. He looked up at the surrounding people. Twelve of them stood on once side of the coffin. Five stood on the other side. The preacher stood at the head.
Eeteuk and Kangin, Heechul and Hankyung, Eunhyuk and Donghae, Ryeowook and Yesung, Siwon, Shindong, Kyuhyun and Kibum stood on one side. Yoochun and Junsu, Changmin and Minwoong and Yunho stood on the other. Kyuhyun’s lips turned up slightly as he looked at the family he and Sungmin had amassed.
So many people had come for Sungmin’s funeral. Despite what Jiwon had once said, Sungmin was loved by many people. Kyuhyun felt his strength waiver. He couldn’t break down now. That was to do when he was alone. He couldn’t let everybody see him cry now.
The preacher began to talk, “We will each have had our own experiences of life and death, with different memories and feelings of love, grief and respect…”
Kyuhyun swallowed. He couldn’t do this. No, he couldn’t. He didn’t want it to be final. It couldn’t be final. Sungmin wasn’t……gone……this had to be some sort of joke. But Kyuhyun could feel it. Despite his mind telling him differently, he could feel it. The gaping hole where Sungmin’s presence used to be.
It was hollow there, full of nothingness. It could only be filled by Sungmin. Such a void was too large for another. Kyuhyun knew this. He stared upwards, his fingers clenching around the flower stems that he held. The funeral had thrown everything into frightening reality. It was true. Sungmin was dead. He was gone and Kyuhyun couldn’t do anything about it.
He remembered it perfectly. How could he not? It was the day he lost his everything.Sungmin……you never had a chance did you? Not if life wanted to play with you.
~₴~≠~₴~≠~
Flashback
~₴~≠~₴~≠~
Kyuhyun was scared. He didn’t know why. All he felt was terror. Sungmin had gone into the OR half an hour ago. How long did the removal of a bullet take? He was scared.
The doctor came out of the room and went to the front desk. Kyuhyun tensed. Could this doctor possibly be one of them working on Sungmin? He watched the doctor with apprehensive eyes. His expression only grew more drawn as the medic walked towards him.
“Are you Cho Kyuhyun?” the doctor asked.
“Yes, I’m Kyuhyun.”
“I’m Key. I’ve been working on Sungmin. The bullet has lodged itself into his lung. His other lung has also been punctured slightly with a broken rib. The blood from the injury has been filling his lungs with blood. He can’t breathe unless we remove the blood. We can drain it but the dangers of that are that he may lose blood faster or we might not be able to fully drain it away, resulting in his suffocation,” Key explained.
“So……..what are you saying?”
“The equipment that we need to drain the liquid is being used. We’ll get it in five minutes. In that time, he could die. But he might have a chance. Or we could stop here. He’s out of surgery right now and in a recovery room. If you would like to talk to him, you can. I’ll come by in a minute for your decision,” Key informed him.
Kyuhyun allowed himself to be led in the direction of Sungmin’s recovery room. His heart thumped inside of him. He didn’t know what to expect. He felt cold as he walked through the door.
“Kyuhyun, I missed you,” Sungmin murmured from his bed. Kyuhyun went to him and sat on the edge of the bed and wrapped his arms around Sungmin’s body. The elder male pulled him onto the bed with him, regardless of Key’s presence.
“I’ll leave you two to discuss. I’ll be back in a little while,” Key informed them.
“How are you feeling?” Kyuhyun asked, running a hand over Sungmin’s delicate, marred features. Sungmin leaned into the touch, feeling better than he had before.
“I’ve had worse,” Sungmin tried to joke. He ended up coughing. A small trail of red liquid dripped from the corner of his mouth. Kyuhyun wiped the blood away. “You know why you’re here right? To talk about my options. Either way, Kyu, it doesn’t look good for me.”
“No, don’t say that. You’ll be fine. Do you want to try draining your lungs?” Kyuhyun asked. Sungmin sighed and leaned against the younger male.
“Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do,” Sungmin answered. Kyuhyun nodded in the affirmative.
“You’ll be healthy again. Did they patch up the rest of your body?”
“Yeah, they fixed everything. They took out the silver wire. They cut off the cuff around my waist too. Both of them are going to be confiscated and analyzed to see how they work. They had to give me stitches. They said I was really lucky. If I had been shocked one more time, the wire would have cut my jugular vein,” Sungmin informed Kyuhyun.
“Thank god it didn’t then,” Kyuhyun breathed. He turned to face Sungmin. The elder looked at him questioningly. He leaned forwards and placed a gentle kiss on Sungmin’s lips. The sweet taste of the elder man made Kyuhyun shiver all over. Despite his injuries, he still was the same. Kyuhyun broke the kiss and rested his forehead in the cook of Sungmin’s neck.
“Are you going to leave me?” Kyuhyun asked softly. Sungmin knew what he was talking about.
“I’m not going to try. I’ll fight with every fibre of my soul to stay by your side,” Sungmin wrapped his arms around Kyuhyun.
“What is your decision?” Key asked, walking back into the room.
“Drain his lungs. He’ll survive,” Kyuhyun answered immediately. Key looked to Sungmin who nodded in agreement.
“Draining it is then. We’ll be back to fetch you in three minutes,” Key left the room.
“Are you afraid?” Sungmin asked.
“I’m terrified. I don’t want to be without you. Ever,” Kyuhyun responded. He pressed a kiss to Sungmin’s neck gently, careful of the stitches. Sungmin let out a soft breath.
“I love you, Kyuhyun,” Sungmin whispered.
“I love you too, Sungmin,” Kyuhyun kissed Sungmin once more. He wrapped his arms around the elder male’s frame. Sungmin leaned into the embrace.
“What do you want to do? When this is all over?” Sungmin asked, taking one of Kyuhyun’s hand in his and beginning to play with his fingers. Kyuhyun smiled down at his husband. Sungmin was now finding it harder to breathe.
“Let’s buy a place in the country. We’ll get away from the city. Maybe we could go with Heechul and Hankyung to China. Would you like that? We could travel, see the world. Find a place we both want to settle in,” Kyuhyun sighed into Sungmin’s hair.
“That sounds nice,” Sungmin coughed.
“Yeah. As long as I’m with you, I don’t care what I’m doing,” Kyuhyun smiled.
"We’ll need to be somewhere with flowers. Lot’s of flowers,” Sungmin felt as though his lungs were straining just to draw one breath of air. He didn’t betray himself. He didn’t want Kyuhyun to worry. He forced his voice to sound as normal as possible.
“We’ll have a crazy story to tell our children,” Kyuhyun held Sungmin tighter. Sungmin laughed, which quickly turned to coughing. Blood began to trickle out of his mouth faster. Kyuhyun’s heart beat loudly.
“It’s time. The machine is here. Are you…? Onew! Get in here! He’s beginning to cough up blood!” Key rushed to Sungmin’s side.
Confusion and panic followed him. Kyuhyun was pulled off the bed and Sungmin began coughing uncontrollably. Onew rushed in and tilted Sungmin’s face towards the sky. Sungmin’s breathing became laboured.
“Quickly! Get the machine in here! You’re going to have to go,” Key pushed Kyuhyun out of the room. Kyuhyun stumbled out, stunned. He turned around and vaguely heard Sungmin call for him. Then the door shut and Kyuhyun stared at the barrier between himself and Sungmin.
What seemed like hours later, Key came out of the room and stood in front of Kyuhyun. He jumped and then stared straight at Key.
“How is he?” Kyuhyun’s eyes searched for good news. But all he found was a stone cold wall.
“We tried our best. But the blood had filled almost all of his lungs already. The draining process takes time. He died before we could get to the point of rescue. I’m sorry, we couldn’t save him,” Key murmured. He wasn’t prepared for the blast of energy that came his way.
Kyuhyun had him by the collar and was pressing him against the wall. The look in his eyes was dangerous.
“What? What do you mean you couldn’t save him?” Kyuhyun asked, his tone deadly.
“I’m sorry. There was too much blood in his lungs. The wound was large. There was more filling than we could drain out. He suffocated. I’m sorry,” Key turned his face away.
“Sungmin……he can’t be………let me see him,” Kyuhyun demanded.
“I can’t do that. We’ve already taken him-” Key didn’t get to say much else.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN’T SEE MY OWN HUSBAND?!” Kyuhyun yelled. He was past all rationality. For the second time, he had lost Sungmin. Something inside of him had snapped. He could now feel it. A void, ripping itself open in the very core of his soul.
“It’s impossible, we’ve already taken him to the-” Key was cut off for the second time as Kyuhyun rushed past him into the room that Sungmin had once been. The bed was empty, the door to another hall open. The sheets were no longer white but white with red spots. The machine used to drain fluid from the lungs was still beeping in the corner.
Kyuhyun felt lost. He didn’t know what to do. Sungmin was gone. And he lost all restraints. He began to tear the room apart, screaming Sungmin’s name as if that would make him appear. The police were called, tranquilizers were brought.
“No! He’s not dead! He’s not dead! He’s strong, he’s healthy! A bullet wound like that couldn’t cause that much damage! You could have operated! You could have done something!” Kyuhyun screamed. He felt the prick of a needle in his arm and his thoughts grew hazy. He felt his body lose control of itself as he pitched forwards into darkness.
~₴~≠~₴~≠~
End Flashback
~₴~≠~₴~≠~
Kyuhyun brought his thoughts back to the present. The preacher was concluding the sermon. Eeteuk was crying into Kangin’s shoulder. Ryeowook’s face was buried in Yesung’s chest. Eunhyuk and Donghae had their arms around each other and were both crying silently. Kibum’s eyes were watering and he was glaring at the ground as if he wanted to set it on fire. Heechul was simply standing there, Hankyung’s arm around his shoulders and tears silently falling from his eyes.
Changmin was comforting Minwoong who was sobbing hard, soft sounds coming from his mouth. Yunho was gazing up at the sky as if wondering if he would see Jaejoong and Sungmin standing there. Junsu’s shoulders were shaking and Yoochun was murmuring soothing words into his ear. Jiyong was wiping his eyes furiously and Seunghyun was resting his head on Jiyong’s shoulder, his tears soaking into the cloth of Jiyong’s shirt.
“I would like to conclude with a few words. When I come to the end of a road, and the sun has set for me, I want no rites in a gloom-filled room, why cry for a soul set free?”
Kyuhyun knew the poem. He began to mouth the words to himself. “Miss me a little – but not too much, and not with your head bowed low. Remember the love that we once shared, miss me but let me go.” Tears began to pour from Kyuhyun’s eyes. Ithurt.
“I would like to say a few words about Sungmin,” Eeteuk began. Everyone looked towards him. Eeteuk pulled away from Kangin and stood up tall. The tearstains on his face made him look regal in a sad, defeated way. The eldest of them looked at each of them in turn, resting his gaze upon Kyuhyun for the longest moment.
“We took in Lee Sungmin ten years ago. Kangin brought him home and he became part of our family. For a year, we lived happily. Through all the drama, through all the hardships. He was always looking for love. It was the one thing he knew he would cherish the most. I tried getting him together with Kibum. But they only loved each other as brothers.
“He had a happy job in the toy company. But when he met Jiwon eight years ago, life took him down a path that he didn’t deserve. The cute, caring person I knew did not deserve to be treated as such. I lost track of him for three years.
“Three whole years I lost with Sungmin. And when I finally found him again, it was a stroke of fate. But then I lost him again, just as quickly as before. But someone brought our family back together. Someone who showed Sungmin the love he was always looking for.
“If you have known Sungmin as long as I have, then you’ll remember his eyes as he got something he truly desired. I could see it when he was given back to us by Kyuhyun. He had what he desired. He had found the love he was always looking for. Even though his eyes had become dull and tired, whenever he saw Kyuhyun that sparkle came back to his beautiful brown eyes.
“Kyuhyun was Sungmin’s happiness. But Kyuhyun was also his saviour. He healed him when nobody else could. Two years ago, Sungmin told me this: ‘I love Kyuhyun because he not only healed my body but healed my heart and mind. He is the glue, the thread, the cement that holds me together. Without him, I’m simply a wall of cracks and holes’.”
Kyuhyun began to cry harder.
“Sungmin has always been someone to do the healing. And then it was his turn to be healed. And that’s why I think he went. He was healed by Kyuhyun, who healed him through love. As cheesy as it sounds, I think it’s true. I know that he wouldn’t have wanted this to happen. More than anything, he would have loved to stay by Kyuhyun forever.
“But maybe, there’s a bigger plan for him. Not here, but somewhere else. Maybe he has a bigger journey. And then we’ll find him again. I don’t know if it will happen but my umma senses tell me that it’s close. And I’d like to thank Kyuhyun. For bringing Sungmin back to us, and for healing him. It may not sound like much, but to me, it means the world,” Eeteuk smiled throughout the duration of his speech. His back was tall and his eyes were dry.
And Kyuhyun understood. Eeteuk was happy. Not that Sungmin was dead but because he was finally healed. Nobody could harm him now. No one could hurt him as much as he had been before. Eeteuk was happy that Sungmin was free. And Kyuhyun smiled at the thought.
“When you are lonely and sick of heart, go to the friends we know. And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds, miss me – but let me go,” the preacher finished. There was a moment of silence as everyone took the words in. Then the preacher stepped back and gestured for Eeteuk to pay his respects.
“I’ll miss you, Sungminnie. Umma will always be thinking of you,” Eeteuk murmured, running a hand over the polished wood. He smiled at the coffin and then moved back. Kangin came up next.
“I was the one who brought you here. And I don’t regret it at all. You better be taking care of yourself. Bye, Sungmin,” Kangin bowed his head for a few moments before backing up. Heechul and Hankyung came at the same time.
“You were supposed to teach me how to cook so I could surprise Hannie. Now I’ll have to teach myself. But I hope you’re happy wherever you are,” Heechul smiled faintly at the lid of the coffin.
“I was going to teach you how to cook Beijing Fried Rice. You would have made a killer dish. Practice your cooking skills,” Hankyung told Sungmin in Chinese. Heechul hit him.
“How is he supposed to understand Chinese?”
“He’ll understand. I know it,” Hankyung replied, reverting back to Korean. Seunghyun and Jiyong came up next.
“I’m proud of you, Sungminnie. You healed yourself. Good for you,” Jiyong patted the lid of the coffin. Seunghyun smiled.
“Thanks for putting up with Jiyong and me. We’ll take care of Kyuhyun. Don’t worry,” Seunghyun bowed. Donghae and Eunhyuk came forwards.
“Thanks for helping us with our crazy schemes. We owe you one. And if there are aliens out there, tell them to drop by,” Donghae told the coffin on his and Eunhyuk’s behalf. Eunhyuk nodded tearfully.
“I hope you have lots of pumpkin pie to eat. I wish I could have learned that recipe. I guess it will always be your secret,” Ryeowook murmured, coming up to pay his respects next.
“I wonder if there are lots of bunnies where you are. I’ll miss you a lot,” Yesung smiled softly at the coffin. Kyuhyun felt his heart breaking with all of the heartfelt comments his family was making. He watched as Siwon, Shindong and Kibum all went up together.
The five policemen walked up as one and saluted. Kyuhyun was the last to go. He walked up and held out his right hand. In his palm lay two beautiful flowers. One was dark red and the other was a beautiful blue. Kyuhyun placed the red flower on the coffin first.
“The red rose is mourning. I won’t be mourning forever because I don’t want you to be sad,” Kyuhyun smiled. Then he placed the blue flower on top of the red rose.
“The forget-me-not means remembrance and memories. I’ll always remember you, I’ll cherish our memories forever. And this flower,” Kyuhyun produced a rose with two blooms on the same stem from his pocket. “This flower represents everlasting love. I will always love you, Sungmin. Always love you.”
Kyuhyun placed the last flower on top of the other two. Sungmin had loved the flowers almost as much as he did. And Kyuhyun wanted to make him happy just one more time.
~₴~≠~₴~≠~
Timeskip: 2 years
~₴~≠~₴~≠~
The graveyard was a tranquil place. It was full of peace and quiet. Kyuhyun loved it this way. He was currently lying on the grass, a piece of polished stone rising above him. The name the stone bore was ‘Lee Sungmin’. Kyuhyun breathed in calmly.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been here in a while. At thirty-two, things get crazy. The flower shop has gotten so hectic! And ever since Ryeowook introduced Venus Flytraps, nothing has been the same. But anyways, I should tell you what’s been happening. You might be shocked if you don’t already know.
“Well, Yunho finally got his child. He named her Jay. He’s so proud of her already. She said her first word yesterday. He called everyone he knew to tell them that Jay said “appa”. She’s such a sweetheart. She kind of looks like Jaejoong in a way. She has delicate features like him. But she also has Yunho’s eyes. It’s odd, it’s like she was made for them.
“Changmin and Minwoong finally tied the knot. Changmin told Minwoong that they were going to a movie and instead went to the Justice of the Peace to get married. Eeteuk is forcing them to have a big celebration. They’re going along with it because they want to stay together.
“Jiyong and Seunghyun also got a kid! He’s so cute. I feel slightly worried for him though. Jiyong being your dad is kind of scary. But at least he has Seunghyun. So that’s good. I think that’s all that’s happened this week. I should think of more things to tell you. I think of you everyday. I remember everything we did. I miss you, Minnie. I love you,” Kyuhyun smiled. He stood up and brushed himself off. He turned around and placed a hand on the gravestone before exiting the cemetery.
~₴~≠~₴~≠~
I feel very light. I wonder what form I’ve taken this time? I think my body is rather spaced out. Now I understand. I’m the wind. I cannot see you, but I can feel you as my form caresses yours. Can you tell it’s me? I hope so. I miss you too, Kyuhyun. But I’m always with you. I’m the breeze, the sun, the clouds, the birds. I could never leave you. I love you so much. I’m always around you.
~₴~≠~₴~≠~
Time passed. Kyuhyun and the others continued on with their lives. Kyuhyun took on the flower shop full time, feeling that it was there he was closest to Sungmin. On some nights, he still cried himself to sleep. Sometimes he felt the loss of his husband so much he retreated into silence. But he knew that he would one day see Sungmin again.
~₴~≠~₴~≠~
Timeskip: 45 years later
~₴~≠~₴~≠~
He was no longer in the old body he once was. He was back to being young again. Kyuhyun moved his hands to see if it was true or not. Somehow he had gotten younger. How strange.
“Kyu!” The call came from behind him. Kyuhyun turned around to see someone he hadn’t seen in a very long time. He felt his heart jump and his blood race. Lee Sungmin was standing behind him, his arms outstretched towards him.
“Sungmin?”
“It’s been a while,” Sungmin smiled. Kyuhyun ran towards him and hugged him hard.
“I love you, Minnie. I love you,” Kyuhyun whispered.
“I love you too, Kyu. I always have. But now, you can hear me say it,” Sungmin laughed.
The End
~₴~≠~₴~≠~
No comments:
Post a Comment