Kyuhyun lay there lethargically, no motivation to get up. His body ached from crying. It had been two weeks and he had barely moved at all from his bed. His motivation was Sungmin. And he was gone. Eeteuk had been coming by to make sure he didn’t die of hunger or thirst. Kyuhyun didn’t care what happened to him. His memories were still haunted by Sungmin.
For two weeks, Kyuhyun had cried constantly, longing, wanting, needing Sungmin. He wanted to turn time back and not leave Sungmin alone. He wanted to return to the past and take Sungmin to work with him. Anything to change the outcome of the story.
Kyuhyun bit his lip as fresh sobs erupted from his body. It hurt. It hurt so badly. He wished he could see Sungmin just one last time. Just one more time.
How did anyone deal with loss? It was utterly painful and Kyuhyun didn’t think he would ever be able to get over this. His hyung had become the single, most important thing in his life. How could he go on, without his other half?
He couldn’t believe how unfair life was. Sungmin didn’t deserve death. He shouldn’t have died. But the minute Jiwon kidnapped him, put the collar around his neck and tortured him, the tables turned and suddenly, Sungmin’s life had been in the hands of the most dangerous person possible.
His body told him that he was hungry but his mind ignored the calls for food. He didn’t want to eat, he didn’t want to do anything but hold Sungmin. His very soul hurt. It was as if someone had taken a knife and cut his very spirit in half. How would he ever manage to get that half back?
~₪~₪~₪~₪~
Darkness surrounds you. Carrying you back to where you came from. To where it all began. It’s cold. It’s dark. It’s nothing. But you can’t go. There’s something deeper, something stronger, tying you down. And the darkness pulls harder, insisting you come.
But there’s a line. A thin, strong scarlet line.
~₪~₪~₪~₪~
Kyuhyun wanted to die. He wasn’t being dramatic or depressed. It was just how he felt after losing the one he loved so dearly. He hadn’t even bothered answering the phone or the door and felt that at some point, someone would use the spare key from the janitor and break into his apartment to see if he was still alive.
Kyuhyun didn’t care. He moved one of his legs slightly, hoping to get the pins and needles out of his immobile limb. Sungmin was all he could think about. His shy, sweet smile, his delicate features, his cute expressions and the tentative trust he had just started to build. But most of all, Kyuhyun remembered his strength and his ability to keep holding on.
He almost choked as he tried to keep his sobs from rising from his throat. How was it that he was reduced to this pathetic living thing when someone who he has known for a month has now died? It was ridiculous.
But Sungmin wasn’t just anyone. He was Kyuhyun’s soul and Kyuhyun wanted him back so badly. He would give his own life if it brought his Sungmin back. Kyuhyun raised his eyes and looked at the flowers of his room.
The alium and the caper seemed to stand out above the rest. Ironically, the two of them were thriving. Kyuhyun felt as though they were mocking him. He wiped away a few tears that were beginning to start. He curled into a tighter ball and tried to ignore the wave of pain rising in his chest. Why did it have to hurt so badly?
He heard his phone ring. He ignored it. There was no point. What could possibly make him happy right now? He wouldn’t care if it was his mom asking him forgiveness, he wouldn’t care if a local TV show was calling him to tell him he had won a million dollars, he wouldn’t even care if it was Jiyong asking him to come visit.
The phone rang again and again. He didn’t move. The space beside him was too empty. It needed to be filled by someone. Sungmin. The only one who could possibly fill the space beside him. The phone stopped ringing. Kyuhyun vaguely noted the sharp cut off of the sound.
It was somewhat like Sungmin. His life had been cut like that. Sharp, quickly, unmercifully. It was sickening. He hated, hated, hated this. His hands crushed the sheets as his body tightened in anger. His anger towards Sungmin’s killer was strong and he didn’t think he’d ever be able to let it go.
A knock sounded on the door. Kyuhyun paid no attention to it as he had all other things that disturbed him from his sorrow and guilt. Why hadn’t he known what those feelings were? Why hadn’t he taken Sungmin with him? Why hadn’t he stayed home? Why…why….why….
The knocking continued, drumming a continuous pattern that at one time might have drivek Kyuhyun crazy. Now he just lay there, oblivious to everything and anything. The knocks started getting faster and louder. Kyuhyun didn’t move. Finally, the sounds stopped.
Kyuhyun was glad. Now he could grieve in silence. This, however, was never to be. A few minutes after, there was the click of a key in the lock and then a bang as his apartment door swung open and crashed into the wall behind it.
“Honestly, why isn’t he answering the door? Oh, I forgot how pretty his house is!” Eeteuk’s voice broke the silence.
“Umma, where is he? Do you think he could have gone out?” Ryeowook’s voice sounded.
“Not at all. Come on, let’s check the place. Yesung…Yesung, where are you?!” Eeteuk asked.
“I’m over here. There’s a sign that says ‘Sungmin’s Garden’,” Yesung was added to the conversation.
“Sungmin…”
“Get a hold of yourself, Ryeowook. We need to be strong.” If Eeteuk had broken the silence, Heechul shattered it.
“Shh, he might be sleeping. No he’s not in this room. And what about…? Oh this is the washroom. Let’s check the last door. If he’s not there, we’ll wait for him,” Eeteuk sounded close to his room. Kyuhyun debated locking the door but that would mean moving and Kyuhyun just wanted to lie in sadness. The doorknob turned and Eeteuk, Heechul, Yesung and Ryeowook marched into the room.
“This is even prettier than the living room!” Eeteuk squealed. He immediately rushed over and began looking at the plants. Ryeowook shook his head. Instead of squealing over the flowers, he walked to Kyuhyun’s side and put a hand on his shoulder.
“Kyuhyun?” Ryeowook whispered. Kyuhyun made no response. He stared lifelessly into space. Ryeowook nudged him. “Oh, Kyu. It was hard on all of us. But we must be strong. It’s what Sungmin would want, isn’t it?”
“How do we know that? He’s…..” Kyuhyun could not bring himself to say the word ‘dead’. His body shuddered as he struggled to keep in painful sobs.
“Oh, Kyu-baby,” Eeteuk soothed, walking over and stroking Kyuhyun’s hair gently, wanting to calm him down.
“I love him so much, Eeteuk,” Kyuhyun whispered, tears falling from his eyes. The eldest male gently brushed the youngest man’s tears away. He felt his heart go out to Kyuhyun. No doubt he would be worse if he lost Kangin like this.
“I know. But we’ve come here because we want you to be strong. And we want you to see somebody,” Eeteuk explained gently. Kyuhyun turned and looked at them all.
“Where’s Kangin, Hankyung, Donghae and Eunhyuk?” Kyuhyun asked, not bothering to respond to Eeteuk’s statement.
“They’re at the hospital,” Heechul answered.
“Why?”
“Jiyong’s hurt,” Yesung interrupted. Heechul glared at him and was about to bite his head off for interrupting but Eeteuk beat him to it.
“He’s hurt,” Eeteuk explained. Kyuhyun felt another stab of pain enter him. So was everyone to die before him? Who was next? Eeteuk? Seunghyun? Ryeowook?
“So why does he want me there? I’ve already lost my life.”
“You won’t see your friend? You won’t see Jiyong?” Eeteuk asked.
“I’ve lost so much. Do I need to lose more?” Kyuhyun asked. Heechul exploded.
“WHAT, ARE YOU THE ONLY ONE WHO CARED ABOUT SUNGMIN?! DID YOU THINK THAT HIS DEATH DIDN’T AFFECT US AS WELL? YOU THINK THAT YOU SUFFERED MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE? WE KNEW HIM FOR A LONG TIME, YOU KNEW HIM FOR A MONTH! WE WERE AFFECTED TOO! DON’T THINK YOU’RE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE WORLD, KYUHYUN! THAT SPOT IS ALREADY TAKEN BY ME AND AT LEAST I KNOW WHAT OTHERS FEEL!” Heechul yelled.
With a speed nobody knew he had, Heechul had crossed the room, thrown Eeteuk to the side and with surprising strength, pulled Kyuhyun out of the bed and dragged him across the floor. Ryeowook stared at him. It took Eeteuk a full ten seconds to realize what had just happened before he leaped up and stopped Heechul.
The umma helped Kyuhyun to his feet.
“He’s coming. He hasn’t moved in two weeks remember? He needs time,” Eeteuk took one of Kyuhyun’s arms and walked him out of the room.
“As much as I care for Jiyong, I really have no desire to go see anyone. Give him my best,” Kyuhyun protested weakly. His voice was hoarse after two weeks of barely using it. His reluctance was understandable but Heechul showed no mercy.
“I don’t care. How would you feel if Jiyong died and you wouldn’t talk to him?” Heechul asked, pushing Kyuhyun out the door.
“A lot better than I do now,” Kyuhyun replied, feeling slightly annoyed.
“I wonder what Sungmin saw in you. You’re so selfish!” Heechul snapped. Kyuhyun lost it.
“HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND? WHAT IF SOMEONE LIKE JIWON KILLED HANKYUNG? YOU WOULD BE FEELING DIFFERENTLY THEN!” Kyuhyun shouted. Heechul stopped and stared at him.
“You’re right. I would be like you. But I would get up and go on with my life. Because that’s what Hannie would want me to do. Think about what Sungmin would want. Do you think he would like it if he knew you were wasting your life?” Heechul asked, his eyes losing their fire and becoming understanding despite the harsh expression he had.
Kyuhyun hadn’t thought of it like that. Was he hurting Sungmin even more by giving up his life? He went limp and allowed himself to be led out of the apartment, thinking about Sungmin and what he would want.
The four of them arrived at the hospital before Kyuhyun realized that he had no idea how Jiyong had gotten hurt. He didn’t want to appear uncaring.
“Why is Jiyong in the hospital?” Kyuhyun asked.
“Sorry, what?” Eeteuk asked, motioned for Yesung and Ryeowook to hurry up and smiling at their entwined hands.
“I asked why Jiyong was in the hospital.”
“He’s very hurt,” Eeteuk said absently, herding Heechul, Yesung and Ryeowook along a corridor and tugging Kyuhyun along behind.
“I know that but why? I don’t want to seem like I don’t care,” Kyuhyun replied, feeling slightly guilty for not being very considerate about his friend. The five of them stopped at a door.
“I’m very hurt,” a loud voice said from inside the room. Kyuhyun looked at the hospital door. Jiyong flung it open and marched out. “Yes, I am very hurt.”
Jiyong glared at Kyuhyun and poked him in the shoulder. Kyuhyun was confused. Jiyong looked fine. He was in fact, wearing tight jeans with a leopard print shirt and a bandana around his neck. He looked very stylish and not injured or sick in anyway at all. And this perplexed Kyuhyun beyond belief.
“Why are you so hurt?” Kyuhyun asked. “You look fine.”
Kangin came out of the room followed by Hankyung. The two of them looked at Kyuhyun and then Jiyong.
“What are you doing?” Kangin asked, pushing Jiyong slightly.
“Kyuhyun, this may be a bit of a shock,” Hankyung said softly, ignoring the pushing fest going on between Kangin and Jiyong.
“Is it Seunghyun?” Kyuhyun asked. He felt his knees grow weak, something was wrong. There was something about Kangin and Hankyung’s actions that made him feel unnerved.
“Let him see for himself,” Eeteuk said, pushing Kyuhyun forwards and following closely behind. The younger male walked forward hesitantly. His heart started pounding. His throat closed. What was happening to him? Was it one of his family members?
“Don’t be afraid. He won’t bite you,” Jiyong smiled also trailing after them. Kyuhyun wondered what was wrong with Seunghyun that warranted him to be chaperoned. Was there something that the elder male wanted to say to him? Was he angry with him for not being able to take care of Sungmin?
He walked into the room. The room was white. The breeze flowing into the room made him feel cold. The white curtains billowed from the windows and the white bedsheets on the bed turned the room into a white oasis.
“Where were you, Kyuhyun? I’ve been waiting for you.”
Kyuhyun turned towards the source of the voice. He felt faint at the look of the elder male. He stared. It wasn’t possible. But it was. Nobody rises from the dead. But someone had. Sungmin was lying in the bed, staring at Kyuhyun with all the love in the world.
He blinked. Then his eyes filled with tears. Different tears. His heart began pounding extremely fast, his body shook and his soul reawakened and called for the male lying in the bed. Kyuhyun tried to breathe but found the task next to impossible.
“I’m hurt that you weren’t here for Sungmin when he needed you,” Jiyong tried to sound angry but his eyes and voice betrayed his true feelings. He held his hand out as if inviting Kyuhyun to check and see if it was the real person.
Kyuhyun moved slowly, as if he were in water. He was so afraid that this was a dream. That he would wake up and find that he was alone. Sungmin’s arms and a cut across his forehead were stitched. But none of that mattered to Kyuhyun. He was still the most beautiful thing Kyuhyun had ever seen. He stopped at Sungmin’s bedside.
“Hello, Kyuhyun-ah. Did you miss me?” Sungmin whispered. Kyuhyun swallowed. His heart was pounding and his breath caught in his throat as his hand reached forwards to his hyung. Sungmin closed his eyes when Kyuhyun’s fingertips touched his skin.
“Sungmin?” Kyuhyun breathed. The elder male nodded and Kyuhyun was crying again. But the tears were different this time. Sungmin opened his arms and pulled Kyuhyun onto the bed with him. The younger male’s tears soaked the material of his hospital gown but Sungmin didn’t care.
Kyuhyun buried his face in Sungmin’s neck, so happy that his lover was alive. He thanked the gods when he heard the firm, strong heartbeat in Sungmin’s chest. His soft cries were grateful and loving at the same time.
“Shh, Kyu. I’m here,” Sungmin murmured. Kyuhyun’s muffled sobs echoed in the room. Eeteuk wiped his eyes and Kangin took him out of the room to calm him. A slightly teary-eyed Heechul motioned for the others to follow, leaving the two alone.
“Sungmin….Minnie….I was……you were dead and I…..I love you…..I love you,” Kyuhyun couldn’t get a coherent sentence out. He was too overwhelmed with emotion to speak properly. Sungmin felt tears of his own start and he kissed Kyuhyun’s shoulder, hoping to soothe him.
Kyuhyun wrapped his arms around Sungmin and held him tightly, not wanting to ever let him go again. Sungmin stroked Kyuhyun’s hair and bit his lip, trying to fight the tears that were making their way down his cheeks.
“I love you too, Kyuhyun,” Sungmin whispered. “I will always, always love you.”
“Don’t you dare leave me. I will never let you go again. Don’t even try to leave,” Kyuhyun murmured fiercely. He pulled back and pressed his forehead gently to Sungmin’s feeling the rough stitches against his skin.
“I love you, Kyuhyun,” Sungmin responded. Kyuhyun lifted his head and stared into Sungmin’s eyes. There was something different about the elder male. Then he realized what it was. Sungmin’s eyes were brighter, clearer and more open.
“You’re different,” Kyuhyun observed quietly. Sungmin nodded, pleased that Kyuhyun had noticed.
“I am. I’m not the same person anymore, Kyu,” Sungmin replied.
“What do you mean?” Kyuhyun asked. He let his head rest on Sungmin’s shoulder and he curled as close to Sungmin as physically possible.
“I’m no longer bound to Jiwon. I’m no longer haunted by him. I’m free,” Sungmin smiled. Kyuhyun turned his head upwards and kissed the underside of his jaw gently. He felt as though life had begun again. He would never let Sungmin leave like he did again. Silently, he promised both of them this.
~₪~₪~₪~₪~
For three months, Sungmin remained in the hospital. While he was recovering from his wounds, the doctors discovered old ones that could pose potential problems. Sungmin was wheeled six times in and out of surgery, each time, Kyuhyun was terrified he would never see Sungmin again.
The doctors all agreed that by all counts, he should be dead. The wound on his side and the amount of blood he lost all pointed to loss of life. But somehow, Sungmin had clawed his way back to life.
He had flat lined two hours and forty-five minutes after he had been brought into the emergency room. The surgeon had managed to bring him back but then lost him again. They gave him up and yet somehow, he stayed alive.
Kyuhyun didn’t care what the doctors said. He was just glad to have Sungmin back in his life. Every day he visited Sungmin at the hospital where he was recovering quickly. Sometimes, Eeteuk, Kangin, Yesung, Ryeowook, Heechul and Hankyung visited him and sometimes it was Jiyong and Seunghyun.
One time, Kyuhyun had brought Siwon and Shindong. Sungmin had thanked him countless times for this and Kyuhyun loved seeing Sungmin so happy. He enjoyed listening to Siwon talk about his religion and Shindong talk about his bakery.
But Kyuhyun loved it when it was just the two of them, talking softly about their memories, their plans for the future and what was happening in the outside world. Eeteuk and Kangin were married in the second month of Sungmin’s hospital stay.
Despite the doctor’s warnings, he went to the wedding and made Eeteuk cry with his speech of thanks to the elder male and Kangin grinned proudly when Sungmin mentioned his careful care of Eeteuk and his wishes for their eternal happiness.
Because of that, he caught a cold that had him in a delirious fever for a week. The sickness caused Kyuhyun to become a nervous wreck whenever Sungmin began to cough. For the remainder of his stay at the hospital, Eeteuk would always come or phone to apologize endlessly for being the cause of his fever.
Kyuhyun brought him news of the trial against Jiwon. The man had been found guilty for drug trafficking, abuse, illegal possession of firearms and the head of a dangerous organization dedicated to the general harassment of the public (the charge of murder had been dropped as Sungmin did not die).
The police had searched his house and found many documents that they expected to lead to many more arrests. Jiwon was put on trial and sentenced to life in prison with no chance of parole. The second in command, Taekyung was also arrested and within four weeks of his stay in prison, he was strangled to death by his cellmate.
The man named Kim Seunghae was found dead in a ditch five days after the arrest of Taekyung. Apparently, he was on the watch list of Jiwon for quite some time and he was caught smuggling one of their enemies out of the country. He was brought to a forest and was shot through the head.
Sungmin didn’t care about Jiwon. He was free of him and felt that he deserved what he was getting. He only wished that Jiwon had made some better choices in his life. But Kyuhyun made him feel loved and better than Jiwon had ever made him feel. And he loved Kyuhyun with his whole heart.
~₪~₪~₪~₪~
Sungmin was feeling great. He was going home. He wanted to be with Kyuhyun again. He had had enough of the hospital life. He had made the decision to keep living with Kyuhyun despite what had happened. He loved him too much to leave.
“Are you ready?” Kyuhyun asked, a brilliant smile on his face. Sungmin nodded eagerly and took Kyuhyun’s hand as he was led out of the hospital room. They made a quick stop at the desk to fill out some forms and then Kyuhyun was leading Sungmin into his car.
“I wish I didn’t have to go back for more checkups,” Sungmin complained good-naturedly. He grinned as they drove along the roads of Seoul.
“Minnie, those checkups are made so that the doctors can be sure you’re healing properly,” Kyuhyun answered patiently.
“I know but I wish I didn’t have them.”
The two of them pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex. Sungmin was practically bouncing with excitement. He wanted to see how his garden was doing. As the two of them stepped out of the elevator, a thought struck Sungmin and he stopped walking. Kyuhyun looked at him quizzically.
“Kyuhyun….when you heard I died….what did you feel?” Sungmin asked. Kyuhyun raised his eyebrows but he answered his lover.
“I thought I would die. I wanted to die. You are my other half, Sungmin-ah. I never want to be without you,” Kyuhyun bent his head and kissed Sungmin gently. The elder male smiled and laced his fingers with Kyuhyun’s.
The two of them walked into the apartment and were greeted with a fanfare of cheers, loud noises and hugs.
“Welcome home, Sungmin-baby!” Eeteuk hugged his child tightly. Kangin ruffled his hair and Ryeowook enclosed him in a hug next. Donghae and Eunhyuk squished him between the two and Kyuhyun had to rescue him by tempting the two with food. Heechul greeted him with a hello and a question as to why his hair wasn’t as well conditioned as it was before and an offer to give him tips on how to condition well.
Hankyung squeezed him tightly and Sungmin had to poke him numerous times to remind him that he was still recovering slightly. Yesung practically bowled him over by his loud hello and his forceful hug. Kibum was much more reserved and slung an arm around Sungmin’s neck, congratulating him on his return home.
Ryeowook brought out a pumpkin pie for Sungmin and Kyuhyun smiled at the entire family he had managed to acquire. In a strange way, he was slightly grateful to Jiwon. He had brought all of them together through his treatment of Sungmin. But the cons outweighed the pros and Kyuhyun couldn’t like Jiwon anymore than he liked the idea of Sungmin leaving him.
Through the noise and playfulness of the party, Kyuhyun managed to slip into his room and get the present he had been saving for this day. As he walked back out, Kyuhyun heard Sungmin expressing his delight at how much his garden had begun to grow.
Kyuhyun smiled. Throughout the three months of Sungmin’s recovery, the plants had been growing steadily, tended to by all members of Sungmin’s family. The alium and caper had grown entwined with one another and after seeing them, Eeteuk had declared it a sign of fate that they were meant to be together.
Walking into the circle, he made his way to Sungmin and took him aside. He kissed the elder male softly and held him close. Sungmin smiled and relished the feeling of Kyuhyun so near to him.
“Sungmin, I love you more than the world could ever know. I love you more than I love life itself. I love you more than any word, flower, action, or declaration could say. You mean so much to me, my soul mate, my other half. You are the reason I live,” Kyuhyun took a deep breath and bent his right leg and went down on one knee.
“Kyuhyun…” Sungmin half gasped, half whispered. He didn’t notice everyone looking at them and stifling their words with their hands. Only he and Kyuhyun existed. Kyuhyun opened the box and a delicate, gold ring shone inside.
“I could never tell you how much I love you because there is no way to express it fully. The red thread that connects us does so for a reason and I have no idea what I’ve done to deserve you. I want to make you happy, I want to give you comfort, anything, everything that you could possibly desire. I love you so, so much, Minnie….will you marry me?”
Time itself stopped. There was nothing Sungmin could do but cry and nod. As the others began to cheer around them and they realized that they weren’t alone, Kyuhyun slipped the ring on Sungmin’s finger.
“I love you too, Kyu,” Sungmin beamed up at him with teary eyes.
“Nan nikkeoya, neon naekkeoya,” Kyuhyun whispered. Sungmin nodded. I’m yours and you’re mine. That’s the way it should always be.
The two of them could see their future together, a open, bright road for Sungmin to heal and Kyuhyun to heal him. Their future spanned a great wide vista of possibility and happiness. And Sungmin wouldn’t want it any other way because that’s what happens when life repays you.
~₪~₪~₪~₪~
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